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Monday, June 1, 2009

Top 16 signs your kids have been watching too much 'Jeerry Springer'

1. During Sunday sermon, they hold a palm up to
the pastor and say, "Talk to the hand!"

2. Every night at the dinner table, it's the same
routine: "Eat your vegetables!" ....and the chairs
go flying.

3. You've had to replace the babysitter with
three burly stagehands.

4. Dinner topic: "Teenage boys who hide 'Playboy'
under their mattresses."

5. Junior's new mastery of the headlock has made
him the star of his high school debate team.

6. Have evolved from playing "Doctor" to "Plastic
Surgeon specializing in Male Enlargement."

7. They want to know why they only live in a
house instead of a double-wide trailer.

8. At the dinner table, little Billy announces a
surprise guest: your secretary/mistress.

9. Your Elvis shrine ain't been Endusted in two

10. Her tendency to hop up on tables, tear her
shirt open and dance suggestively has gotten you
banned from more than one Chuck E.

11. Your youngest has stopped calling you "Mommy"
in favor of "Crack-ho."

12. Math:C- History:D+ English:F
Interviewing Transvestite Hookers:A+

13. Last year, when you told him to clean his
room, you merely got a sullen look. This year you
get a dining room chair over your head.

14. Your son asks if anyone makes a DNA paternity
test kit for Cabbage Patch Kids.

15. During that "little talk" with Junior, you're
forced to admit that you don't know if
hermaphrodites are "birds" or "bees."

16. Poor Ken just found out he hasn't been dating
Barbie, but GI Joe in drag.

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